Lucky Numbers
by Bleeping Bloop
Summary: It was Kakuzu's mission to get the groceries, unfortunately this time he was stuck dragging Hidan with him. Normally he wouldn't be allowed out of the house but Pein thought they needed to "bond" more.
1. Chapter 1

It was the same thing every Wednesday around noon for Kakuzu. It was his mission to get the groceries unfortunately this time he was stuck dragging Hidan with him. Normally he wouldn't be allowed out of the house but Pein thought they needed to "bond" more. Kakuzu pinched the bridge of his nose already feeling a headache coming on. It was bad enough Hidan kept him up all night with various women and waking him up early with bloody rituals but spending daylight hours with him was pushing it. He glanced over at his lousy excuse for a partner. His mouth was flapping so fast not even his experienced eyes could see it close. He highly doubts it did. If it wasn't for his ability to sew his ears shut he would have committed suicide a long time ago.

They arrived at the Ninja Mart and walked in through the electric doors. While Kakuzu grabbed a cart Hidan was having a blast opening and closing the door by swinging his hand under the scanner. Kakuzu stared at his idiot partner and cocked one eye brow in the air. Hidan waved him over and mouthed some words at Kakuzu. Kakuzu unstitched his ears and let the pain begin. "Kakuzu check this shit out! I put my hand here and the door swings open, it's like fucking magic or some shit."

Kakuzu didn't bother to hear the rest and stitched his ears back up, throwing a couple of bottles of aspirin into his cart. While he was there he picked up some Prozac for Itachi. He ventured down the allies and picked up the various things scribbled on the list. Deidara's stupid avocado face scrub. He wouldn't notice if it was store brand. Tobi, of course, wanted the most ridiculously expensive cereal that had his favorite cartoon character on it. Kakuzu opted for the more reasonably priced Bag O' Cereal. He felt a tug at the back of his collar and saw Hidan with an armful of items. Shit is the best way to describe it.

"No," he flatly said walking away. Hidan dropped everything that he was holding on the ground and followed Kakuzu around like a little kid. Occasionally, when Kakuzu turned around, Hidan tried to slip something into the cart which Kakuzu took out before it even clanked to the bottom. That resulted in Hidan whining so loud it almost got through Kakuzu's last defense. Almost. He usually stopped his bitching to place some Jashinism pamphlets into various food items. Fortunately for Kakuzu some unlucky girl was eyeing Hidan. While he was flirting or whatever, Kakuzu made a mad dash towards the frozen foods to pick up dinner. He reached towards the back and grabbed the expired ones, knowing he got them fifty percent off. He doubled checked the list and walked towards the check out service.

"Excuse me," Kakuzu asked the cashier. "Can you page my grandson. It's about time I changed his diaper. His name is Hidan."

The cashier placed her lips close to the microphone "Hidan, get yo smelly ass up front. Gramps over here needs to change your shitty diaper." Kakuzu glanced at the red-head's name tag and thought he found Hidan a soul mate. "Gramps eyes up here you fucking pervert." Hidan came shortly after already yelling at Kakuzu.

"Where's my shit?" Hidan loudly asked. Kakuzu's stitched ears couldn't save him now. He swore Hidan got louder every day and he prayed his age would catch up with him and make him loose his hearing. Itachi was as blind as a bat at 21 but at 92 Kakuzu's hearing was that of a dog with surgically enhanced ears. "Why the fuck did you take everything out? I need all that shit. Fucking money loving bitch."

"You don't need anything," Kakuzu retaliated. This made him remember when Zetsu was trying to explain the different religions to him. Apparently to achieve enlighten a Buddhist must give up all earthy goods. Kakuzu laughed. They also believed in karma. Being nice brings happiness, being evil brought despair.

"That will be $41.25," the red-head cashier said.

"You want a lotto ticket?" Kakuzu asked. Normally after every shopping adventure he went on, Kakuzu treated himself to weekly ticket. He remembered the first time he ever bought a ticket in his old village; he won instantly with his lucky numbers. Seven twenty five. Every week since that date he has played his lucky numbers. Since that day seventy years ago he hasn't won. _Soon_, he thought, _very soon_.

"Gambling is a sin! Do you know what Jashin would do to me?" Hidan said.

"If you win donate all the money or something. Come on, I'm buying," Kakuzu winced saying those cursed words but he decided to give the karma thing a little go. "I'll take seven, two and five as my numbers. Hidan what numbers do you want?"

Hidan crossed his arms and pouted, "I'll take one, one and ummm one." The red-head gave the guys their lottery tickets and laughed at how retarded the sexy one was.

"Good luck wining," she mocked at him.

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Disclaimer: Don't own Akatsuki that's Masashi Kishimoto.

Side note: Anonymous reviews are **ON** no excuses bitches.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakuzu dragged his feet inside the Akatsuki lair. He was grateful the only other company was Itachi and Kisame. For some odd reason Kakuzu got stuck carrying everything. He really didn't care to argue with Hidan, he just wanted to stop this 'bonding' thing. He almost stopped dead when he saw Hidan following him into the kitchen. Kakuzu figured it'd be best to ingore him. "Kakuzu," Hidan started. "You're so fucking slow. I'm not talking slow slow, I'm saying a tree could out run you. Hurry up jeesh. You're going to bruise the produce if you keep dragging it! Why did you buy that nasty shit anyways. If I wanted to eat Zetsu I would have!"

Kakuzu's temper was slowly increasing. _Karma_ he thought.

"Seriously hurry the fuck up you pussy."

_Karma_ he reapeated.

"Ya know what? You have to be a bitch. No man moves as slow as you."

_Fuck karma_.

Before Hidan could complain about one more thing he found himself against the wall. Kakuzu's hand was closly around his neck, squeezing it harder. Hidan didn't resist and one could argue that the glint in his eye was almost encourging Kakuzu to grip harder. A smirk stretched across his face to match that look. "No balls," he chocked out. Kakuzu lost it and connected his fingers. Hidan's head rolled off his body and halway across the room. "Told you! Ya fucking bitch. But that _really_ hurt man! Next time why don't you give me a rug burn! At least that might cause some pain!" Kakuzu groaned and picked up Hidan's head by the sliver hair. "Hey! Watch the hair! Someone has to look good! And Jashin knows it isn't you." Kakuzu walked down the hall until he found the bath room. "Are you fucking retard? No body! I can't go piss you dumbass! Quit fucking around and fix me!" Kakuzu opened up the toilet lid. "Did you hear me you useless tit? Fix me now! I got shit to do." Kakuzu plopped Hidan's head into the bowl and closed the lid on his muffled curses.

Kakuzu returned to the kitchen where he saw Itachi cleaning up the food he abandoned. Kakuzu really didn't want to stay in the room long, something about Itachi just freaked him out. "Thanks," Kakuzu mumbled.

"Hn," Itachi grunted. He picked up the last few bags and handed them to Kakuzu. He tried to take them away but Itachi held a firm grip. "Have you heard anything about my brother," Itachi asked.

"No more than you."

"Hn," Itachi mummbled walking away. _When that kid reaches my age_ Kakuzu thought _he's going to rule the world_. Kakuzu shuttered that thought from his brain and finished putting the items away. He glanced over at Hidan's body and could have sworn it gave him the bird.

Seven twenty five, when the news announced the winners of the weekly lotto. It had to be fate, Kakuzu's numbers were seven, two and five. Now Kakuzu was never a man of faith, Hidan could best tell you this  
but he made an exception for plausable evidence. Kakuzu bought his winning ticket when he was twenty two. That's three years away from five. So three plus two equals five. He was in his twenties so that's the two. If you add five and two then you get seven. Yes, it all made perfect sense in Kakuzu's senile mind. He watched the televison with a firm stare. When the timer hit excatly seven twenty five the program switched to a commercial. Well, Kakuzu thought, I lost. He relaxed his  
posture and let out a deep sigh, which is pretty hard to do behind a mask. He strummed his fingers nervously and tapped his foot. Seven twenty six, the news came back on. Kakuzu visioned the screen flashing a seven, two and five. He smiled at his thought and turned his attention back to the program. A seven and five were already on the screen. His hearts started beating faster and his body erutpted in a cold sweat. _Please_, Kakuzu thought, _let that last number be a two_. A ball rolled out of the machine and onto the little tray. Without realizing it, Kakuzu was inches from the screen. The ball rolled around to reveal a bright red two printed on it. All his hearts stopped beating for a second. Kakuzu's body quivered with excitement. _I won_, he thought. A blue figure caught his eye and he saw Kisame standing in the doorway but he didn't give two flying fucks. Kakuzu jumped a good six feet in the air and started dancing while humming "I won, I won!" By having a emotionless void in his heart filled with cash he pictured himself retiring to a peaceful country, maybe by the beach. Yes all was well for Kakuzu and he lived happily ever after.

"Umm," Kisame said holding Hidan's wet head. "They didn't call your numbers." Kakuzu glanced at the television and saw his numbers transformed into three ones. His eye twitched a bit and he glanced over at his partner.

"Well," Hidan smirked. "Would you fucking look at that."

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A/N: Silly reader, Kakuzu never gets a happy ending or maybe he will. Anonymous reviews are **on**.


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